Thoughts on learning

I'm sure that I'm hardly the first person to make this observation, and I surely won't be the last, but in my experience: knowledge is a mixed blessing. It's both empowering and immiserating at times. I tend to side with it being empowering as to how I let the accumulation of knowledge influence my life, but it does not take away the misery that comes every so often with knowing how things truly are in the world. The more I began to learn about the world several years ago, the more I found I didn't know enough. And this pushed me to learn more and more, creating an even bigger space to be filled with possible sadness or concern. I crafted these feelings into a direction, which often changed, but has landed on a trajectory towards working for egalitarianism, equality, justice, and "positive" peace (as contrasted with MLK Jr's "negative" peace).

Before I knew much about the world, I could have been considered particularly happier than today by many peoples measures. My conversation topics didn't tend to go beyond much of anything superficial, I certainly didn't bring up topics that caused any rift between myself and any established friends I'd had for any significant amount of time, and I generally seemed more carefree. Little was I aware that this was my immaturity reigning free and unfettered.

The more I became aware of things, be it out of curiosity, accident, or flat-out necessity, the less I felt careless. I became more thoughtful of my interactions and the consequences of things I would do. This made me feel confident and empowered. At the same time, however, I would feel saddened and dismayed, all the same powerless to the forces of the world around me. This became the moment I decided to alter who I was at another level apart from my personal thoughts and actions - my interactions. I knew and know now that my holding knowledge is not enough. I have to apply it and spread it to others who are willing (and perhaps at times not willing) to listen. With knowledge (and subsequent power within oneself) comes not only responsibility but the ability to empower others to do the same.

Things are bigger than any one person and I've found that wanting to empower others have enhanced my bonds with family, friends, or even people I would be in a relationship with. Living for others, taking yourself out of the center of everything you do, learning to live in true cohesion with others - this has been the key, I've found. It has been the perfect way for me to link the power I feel within myself and the sadness I feel for the world around me, given the mixed-bag that is knowing the good and bad about the world.